I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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