saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
