I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize