yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
