Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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