No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
