Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
