The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
