Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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