Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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