Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize