He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Randomize
