Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
