I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize