Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
