You're completely useless in the revolution.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My vagina just clenched in fear
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
