No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
