U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i need an iv and a liver transplant
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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