last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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