i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
