I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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