Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
