Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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