no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
