Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
