Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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