Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize