turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
