I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
