im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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