so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
