In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
