Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
