I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It's official drugs can't kill me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
