haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
