Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
