He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
