Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
