Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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