How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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