The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
