You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
