she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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