I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
