How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
