I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
