you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
