There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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