My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
