we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize