Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
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