why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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