i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
