You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
