This is not my ceiling
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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