Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
