YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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