I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
