I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
