If that was your dad, he is hot
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
